Dr. Katie Deming [00:00:00]:
Do you find yourself dreading the holidays because you feel torn between taking care of yourself and meeting family expectations? The holidays can be especially challenging when you're focused on healing. This episode is here to help you navigate the holiday season while prioritizing your health and well-being. You'll learn practical strategies for setting gentle boundaries, managing food related conversations, and regulating your emotions during family gatherings. We'll explore how to handle discussions about your health journey and ways to create new traditions that support your healing. Learn a simple breathing technique that can help you stay grounded when family dynamics become overwhelming, and I'll share a perspective that could transform how you approach the holidays, not just this year, but for years to come.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:00:49]:
You're listening to the Born to Heal podcast, and I'm your host, doctor Katie Deming. After 2 decades of practicing as an oncologist and caring for thousands of patients, I've seen firsthand how our health care system places obstacles in your path to true healing. My guests and I will bridge the worlds of Western medicine and alternative healing to help you achieve optimal health. Expect to uncover new insights, share a few laughs, and maybe even shed some tears along the way. But most of all, we'll learn how to heal from within together. So let's dive into today's episode.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:01:24]:
Today, I have Jess Bubico again joining me, member of my team, and we're gonna be talking about prepping for the holidays and answering questions that people have about preparing and planning for the holidays when you're in the process of healing. So thank you, Jess, for being here with me and asking questions that we've received. So do you wanna kick this off and and ask me the first question that we got?

Jess Bubbico [00:01:54]:
Yeah. Absolutely. So how do you continue to heal through the holidays when you are actively healing through cancer?

Dr. Katie Deming [00:02:01]:
Yeah. Well, I think that one of the things to think about with holidays while you're healing is that you can really become sidelined by the holidays during the process because it gets you out of your routine. You're seeing more people than maybe you have been seeing. You're seeing people that maybe you wouldn't choose to hang out with, you know, given what you're going through. And I think the first thing is to think about this ahead of time. So we're doing airing this episode well ahead of thanksgiving so that you guys can be thinking about this and planning for your holidays as they come up. But if you are healing and if you are experiencing an illness that you are focused on a process of healing for yourself, it is really important to be mindful and intentional about this holiday season. And know that it's not gonna be like this forever.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:03:09]:
Like, this is not gonna be every holiday, but you may need to set some boundaries. You may need to choose to do things differently. You may have traditions that you've done for 20 years that this year might need to change, and it feels huge. So this is a conversation that I have every year with my clients as we get, you know, close to the holidays. If you've been the person and this is actually one of the questions. So, you know, if you've been the person who's hosted Thanksgiving every year for your family, you may want to sit and decide whether that makes sense this year. And it's not whether you can do it because you probably can. But the question is, every time you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:04:01]:
And so when you say yes to having everyone at your house and hosting and doing all the cooking and all of that stuff, you're saying no to something else. And in this case, you may be saying no to your own needs at this time. And maybe your body really needs you to say no to your family so that you can say yes to your healing. And so I think that's one thing to just keep in your mind is that you can't do it all. Right? We have finite resources, and we have finite energy. And so thinking about ways you could do it differently. And it could be maybe you still host it at your house, but now everyone brings a dish, and you lighten your load that way. So I'm not saying you can't host and you have to just stay by yourself, you know, for the holidays and and, you know, be antisocial.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:04:57]:
That's not it. But I think you wanna start thinking about, okay, what are the different ways that I could do this? Okay. I could just say that I'm I'm not able to host this here, and we do it at someone else's house totally, and that may be an amazing option for you. Or it may be that you have a big enough house, but you need help with everyone bringing the other stuff. And maybe you help have someone who you trust who can do the turkey at your house since that needs to be done, you know, on-site, that kind of thing. But I think starting to think outside the box, how can we break out of the traditions that we've done to make this work for everyone? And one of the beautiful things that I have seen come out of this is, oftentimes, people come up with new traditions that are much more sustainable for everyone. Because oftentimes, you know, there's a couple people who, you know, really do everything in related to a holiday, and they're exhausted and never enjoy the holiday. And everyone else is like, wow.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:05:58]:
That was amazing. And the, you know and I'm thinking of my sister. My sister always hosts, and she's just, like, exhausted after it's all done. And so how do you have people help with that process so that you can make it easier on yourself? So I think and and that takes planning ahead because you need to talk to your family members and you need to just say what your needs are. And the beautiful thing is, most of the time, people are so understanding and, like, I get it. And, also, they start to see all of the things that you've been doing, you know, and haven't really, you know, made a big fuss about. But now people can see, oh, wow. Like, you've they've been handling, you know, a big part of the burden of planning for these holidays.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:06:42]:
So that's one of the things that I would say is, you know, if you're a host and, actually, this is, like, not even if you're sick. I think we should all be evaluating all the time. Like, I think about the holidays, you know, differently now that I prioritize my well-being, and, like, how much do I wanna do, and, you know, what is feeling good for my body? So regardless of whether you're sick or not. But if you're real if you are dealing with illness, I think these converse these these questions are really important to sit with. But even if you're not, I think it's good to always, like, look at what we're doing and say, is this working for me?

Jess Bubbico [00:07:20]:
Yeah. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So I love the idea you pointed out kind of not looking at it from a black and white thinking perspective of I'm either gonna do what I always do or do none of it and stay by myself. So I love that you kind of pose this question of, like, how can I do the holidays differently this year in a way that supports my well-being, potentially create some new traditions, and maybe is more joyful for everybody involved? So I love that.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:07:54]:
Absolutely.

Jess Bubbico [00:07:55]:
Okay. What do you do about family members who have opinions about food or diet?

Dr. Katie Deming [00:08:02]:
Yeah. So this is one thing to also be thinking ahead is what are you doing for your nutrition and your healing that may have an impact on that social gathering? Like, if you need to eat different food, are you gonna bring your food with you? Or can you think about what the spread is gonna be and what pieces of things that you wanna eat? And maybe it is that you feel like, you know what? For this one day, I'm I'm fine eating whatever's there. And I actually think that all of those choices are fine. Like, you can go and just enjoy yourself. It's thanksgiving. It's a holiday. But, also, if you are eating a specific way and you know you're gonna feel better, you know, either bringing your own food or planning ahead of time, you know, what you're gonna eat. Or maybe it's a combination of you're eating most of the food that's being prepared, but then you're gonna bring a couple other things.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:08:57]:
But I think planning ahead is really important. So thinking about that, like, what does my body need and how do I make sure I have it on that day? And that can include water. Like, so I now I mean, I think most people who listen to me know I don't drink tap water. And when I go to a restaurant, I absolutely don't drink water from a restaurant. So when I go other places, I actually bring, you know, 40 ounce bottle of water so that I have good water. So, thinking about that, like, thinking about your water, thinking about your food. And then, also, if you have, like, someone who's hosting that you know they might be offended or whatever, you can just prep it ahead of time by telling them, you know, I'm eating a specific way, and I'm I'm, you know, I'm gonna be bringing some of my own food, and I just want you to know that. And so that that way, they can be prepared and you don't have that conversation on the day of, if you know that that's gonna be an issue.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:09:57]:
But the other thing is that it may come up on the day from someone who's totally unrelated. They have, like, no reason to have an opinion about what you're eating, but then they're gonna be like, oh, I could never eat like that, or how can you do that, or, you know, whatever it is. And I think one of the things is just to know that that has nothing to do with you when people bring that up. Often, everyone's got their own stuff. Right? And so it may be making them feel uncomfortable because you're choosing to be more mindful about what you're eating. And so allowing those people's comments to kind of roll off you and, also, just being prepared for who those people might be, and maybe you don't sit next to them or whatever it is. I think there's a lot of dynamics within families that get reactivated even though we're all adults. Like, I feel sometimes like a 13 year old kid when I'm with my family because it's just like we get into these dynamics.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:10:57]:
And so you wanna just think about those ahead of time. But then, if you're going to eat in a specific way, just feel really comfortable with that decision and that you don't have to explain that to anybody. You know? Yeah. And so if someone brings that up, you can just say, oh, yeah. Like, I don't I don't know. You know, responding to them if someone said, like, I could never eat that way. And you're like, yeah. This is just making me feel really good right now.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:11:20]:
You know, something really simple, and you don't have to explain all of it. And someone if someone says, like, why are you doing that? And who said that? Or I think this or whatever, you can just say, you know what? I really don't wanna talk about it. Like, I'm just here to enjoy, and and so you can deflect that as well. And I think that's part of the thing is we feel sometimes obligated to explain everything to everyone, and you really don't have to, you know, and kinda standing in your power. And this is why I'm saying these things ahead of time and having you think about these things ahead of time is because if you can ground yourself and feel really comfortable before, then it makes it much easier than if you're just on the day of trying to figure out, oh, what am I gonna do, and what am I gonna say, and all of that. It just feels it feels more stressful.

Jess Bubbico [00:12:06]:
Do you have any recommendations for helping someone to regulate their emotions while they're at a holiday? Like, I know for myself, I didn't really eat dairy or anything like that, but I would feel so anxious around certain family members on the holidays that suddenly the cheese tray in front of me, I would just shovel it in even though I don't eat cheese because I didn't know how to regulate myself in the in the moment. Do you have any, like, tools or tips for how we can work with emotions that might come up in the moment?

Dr. Katie Deming [00:12:38]:
Yeah. And I love that. I'm the same way. Like, I've I'm you know, there's certain that, like, sugar for me is not good for me, and I know that. But then I get it some event and and then I end up eating things just because you're uncomfortable and you're just, like, it's you're bored or whatever it is. And so this, again, comes back to preparing, you know, and and thinking about from an emotional standpoint, like, what are your triggers with the family, and what are your triggers around the holidays, and ahead of time, sitting with those things. And, you know, I have a couple tools that I love. So one is 48 breathing, and there's a tool that I use for that is the shift necklace by Camuso.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:13:23]:
But you can do this on your own. Basically, the Camuso is I don't have it on right now, but it's basically, it looks like a whistle. And you put it in your mouth, and it forces you to breathe out more slowly than you breathe in. And that is a great tool that you can just wear, and then you could just pop it in your mouth and you can breathe through it. And people may not even notice that you're using it, or you can go to the bathroom and you can use it. If you don't have that, you can just do 4, 8 breathing. So you breathe in through your nose for 4 and out through your mouth for 8, and that activates the vagus nerve, which helps calm us down. So your breath is something you always have with you and you can always use.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:14:07]:
So that's one thing that before you go doing some breathing to reduce your sympathetic activation or any kind of nervousness, and then once you're in the moment, you know, if there are things and and you can use your triggers as clues, like, oh, something's coming up. Like, Jess's example of the cheese tray. Like, when you start feeling that cheese tray is calling to you and you knew you didn't wanna go after that cheese tray, that would be a time to step away, breathe, you know, take 5 minutes, and then see how you feel once you've calmed your nervous system with breath. The other thing is that, oftentimes, there's someone within the family that's grounding and that can kinda help you stay regulated. And so finding those people, like, if you start to feel stressed to find that person and, oftentimes, just connecting with someone that you love that is grounding can really help you with that emotional kinda aspect of it. And, also, the other thing is just taking a break and going outside. Like, hey, I'm just gonna take a walk. Like, I just need a little air and go give your because, oftentimes, when we're around a bunch of people, it's different than, you know, the way we live our life every day, and it can feel overwhelming, especially if you're not around a lot of people, which I feel like now we spend less and less time, you know, in social gatherings.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:15:34]:
And so sometimes just being around other people can feel kind of overwhelming. And so, you know, getting outside, walking a little bit, and coming back in are are some really great techniques. And then if you have things that you know work for you, using those to ground yourselves before the event, to ground yourself after the event, to use in between. You know, and I think there's lots of different little tricks that people have. But and the other thing is that I almost feel like when I go into an event like that, I think about having, like, myself covered in, like, grease or Crisco. And so Crisco is, like, so I don't know. It reminds me of my mom making, like, Christmas cookies when I was little. Right? But, like, anyway, just so that you're just letting things slide off of you and that you're not letting anything stick.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:16:24]:
Because I think that, like we said before, family members, they can mean well, but then the there's these patterns that can pop up that are from a long time ago, and people can say things that are insensitive or make you feel upset. And just allowing yourself to be in a space, like, I'm not allowing that to to enter into my beingness to upset me. You know? And and I think, also, like, the elections will be before Thanksgiving, but it's kinda like talking about politics at, you know, holiday events is, like, probably just not a good idea. So, like, there are certain things that you just let them go and just don't engage and and just kinda let things slide off of you. That is more important when you're healing than at other times. And it's always important for us to, like, let people not get on our nerves. But, you know, we might choose in other scenarios when we're feeling better to maybe engage in something or maybe to stand our ground. But, you know, if you're not in that place and you don't wanna put your energy there, thinking about yourself, just having things slide off of you can be very helpful.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:17:33]:
And if you need to set a boundary, set a boundary. Right? And we talked about this the last time. I always think of ourselves as a little garden. And when we're healing, you've got these little tender seeds that have been planted in the ground, and then the little shoots are coming up through the ground, but they're not strong enough. And you wouldn't let anyone walk all over your garden. You put up a fence to keep them out. And so you might have to do that. Like, if someone, you know, pushes you, you may have to set a boundary and just say, I'm not open for that right now.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:18:06]:
You know, and you don't have to get into it, but you can set gentle boundaries and be clear. And and, actually, I was just talking about one of my or talking with one of my team members this morning. And she said, at her last holiday, she had to set a very clear boundary because one of her relatives was, like, all over about the food. She was eating a very specific diet at the time. And finally, she just had to say, you know, you're either gonna need to drop it or I'm gonna leave. You know? And hopefully, it doesn't come to that. You know? But if it does, you know, you might need to put down boundaries to just say, this is not okay. And if if you want me here, then, you know, we need to put this down and that kinda thing.

Jess Bubbico [00:18:49]:
Yeah. I know that can be challenging to to do because it can be scary. But with even what you just said, oftentimes, I feel like when people are making comments about the food we're eating or if we're not drinking alcohol or whatever our choices are, it's usually way more to do with them and how they're feeling about something than it is about our choice. So Okay. I love that. And do you have any frameworks for setting boundaries or any tips for setting boundaries? Because I think that can be challenging for some people to understand, like, what a boundary is. Do you have any recommendations on that?

Dr. Katie Deming [00:19:24]:
Well, I think that boundaries are very personal because, like, some things that may not upset you or may be fine with you may not be okay for me. And so I think and there's also a difference between people can trigger you. Right? So, like, people may say something, say things to you that may trigger you that you don't necessarily need to set a boundary about. You know? So it's one of those things where you have to look at, okay, what are the things that I can't have right now? And and being clear about that and and realizing and that's why I talked about the, like, you know, thinking about Crisco or something to let things roll off you, because they're gonna be things that you're maybe triggered by, but you just need to let go. But if there's something that feels like, okay. I don't feel comfortable being here with this happening, or I feel like I can't be myself, and this is making me forcing me into a position of, you know, what's the right word that I'm looking for, but, basically, acting like not like yourself, you know, just to conform. Basically, if someone's doing something that's making you conform to something that you don't believe in, then I think that you need to set clear boundaries in those scenarios. But and I think the holidays are one of those things where it's tricky because sometimes setting boundaries can then upset people.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:20:52]:
You know? And so there's those pieces of, like, it might be better just to, like, let it roll off you, and, ultimately, you may not spend as much time at the event or that kinda thing. But if something feels like someone is really not allowing you to be you and inserting themselves in your space. And I think just gently letting them know, hey. Like, I'm not in a place to have this conversation right now, and I really want to put this away. You know, and and then if they don't respect it, then you can say, if this continues, I'm gonna have to leave. And I think it's, like, number number 1 with boundaries is you state what your need is. You know, and then the second thing, if they cross it, then you do something about it. And I think this is a problem as a lot of us are, like, they we say, if you do that again, I'm gonna do this, and then we don't do anything.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:21:43]:
And, like, that's not boundaries. That's basically you're teaching them to, like, run over you. And so you just if you're gonna set a boundary, you need to be prepared then to follow it up with action if someone, you know, crosses over that boundary.

Jess Bubbico [00:21:57]:
I love that this is, like, kind of, like, creating your own, like, play holiday playbook, if you will, to be able to say, like, okay. Maybe my two boundaries are like food. I absolutely am not gonna compromise on my food and what I'm gonna eat. So if anything comes up, I'll set boundaries around that. And maybe, I don't know, leaving early.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:22:15]:
Yeah.

Jess Bubbico [00:22:16]:
You know, whatever those those things are that you're like, these are my hard absolutely like, I have to make this commitment. Because, ultimately, boundaries are really about making a commitment to yourself.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:22:25]:
So Boundaries absolutely are all about what you need, not necessarily about anyone else. But, actually, that you just brought up a good point in general, Jess, is that telling people that you may not spend very much time is a really good idea because then you set the expectation that you won't be there for the whole time. And then if you do, it's fine. But then that way, you have an out and you just, you know, are giving yourself extra space around that. So that's one thing that I think is really helpful. And then the other thing and I know this wasn't on our list of questions, but it is something that I want to bring up, is that, you know, the holidays can actually be quite hard for people, you know, because just depends. Like, it could be that maybe you lost someone in the past year, or maybe there's a change in your family dynamics, or maybe because of your healing, you've already set some boundaries. And the boundaries that you set means you're not gonna be spending the holidays with your relatives.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:23:30]:
And so I wanna bring that up, that it may not even be about going to events. It may be that you're alone, and it or it may be that you're doing something totally different for the holidays, and it feels less normal. You know? And I think that's one of the other things to recognize that the holidays can be big triggers for loneliness or feeling disappointed about where your life is or, you know, a lot of different loss emotions. And I remember feeling this in 2022, my first holidays after I went through my divorce, and I didn't end up going down to be with family. And it was just me and my kids, and it was so weird. And I was just like, wow. It just feels very lonely and different. So then it brings up, like, a lot of emotions in a different way than you might be triggered by family members, but hard nonetheless.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:24:28]:
And so that's one thing to think about. If things have shifted for you or if you don't have family and you don't normally celebrate with other people anyway, thinking again about how you can do the holidays in a way that makes it fun for you. Like, how do you think about okay. Like, if if it's just me, do I want to even cook Thanksgiving? Or maybe I wanna go to a movie instead? Or maybe and make it so that it feels special for you in whatever way that is, and creating kind of a little holiday of your own making and not having it to conform with what everyone else is doing. I think that's another piece. And just to know that the holidays can be can feel sad for people, especially if there's been changes in the year before.

Jess Bubbico [00:25:16]:
Yeah. I love that idea. I'm I'm spending it. I'm not going home to Connecticut this year, and I said to myself, I'm like, I'm gonna volunteer at, like, a soup kitchen or something like that and see Wicked in the evening and maybe talk to my neighbors and see if they wanna have, like, a lunch together or something. So I love the idea. I think it's so easy to think black and white around the holidays. Like, we always do this or I never do this or whatever, but, actually, getting creative and asking new questions can be really, I think, powerful. So we have one last question, which is how do you talk how do I talk about my diagnosis with family members?

Dr. Katie Deming [00:25:54]:
Yeah. Well, and I think this one is, again, a very personal decision. You may choose not to talk about it at all, and maybe you haven't shared very much with your family members. And so, again, I think thinking about it ahead of time and, you know, maybe that you have a few people that know, but not everyone knows. You may say to those people, like, I just don't wanna talk about it. You know, I don't I don't wanna bring it up if if that feels true for you. But I think the thing to really think about here is that this is all about what feels supportive for you. It's not what satisfies other people's curiosity.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:26:35]:
And so if you don't wanna talk about it, you just say that. You know, and this may be one of the things that you really set a boundary about, and she just say, you know, I don't wanna talk about that today. But the other thing that you can do is you can also be very general. You know, like, I'm healing or, you know, I have something going on that I'm working on, and it doesn't even have to be the big, you know, thing that you're working on. It could be there's, like, you know, another piece of your working on your nutrition and getting yourself healthier, and you could just say that. You don't have to give everyone what they want, you know, and all the details of everything. And so I think thinking about that ahead of time of, like, okay. What what do I wanna say and and how do I wanna say it, or do I wanna just not bring this up at all? And so letting the people know who do know, hey, I'm just not interested in in talking about this on on this day.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:27:32]:
But it's you know, this one can be, I think, tricky for people because, in some ways, it's nice to have the support. And then in some ways, it can feel overwhelming to get the support and especially at an event where there's, you know, lots of people and that kind of thing and not everyone knows or whatever it is. So and I think it just depends on your own decisions prior to that about who you're telling and but this brings up a good point is that your health journey is nobody's business. Nobody's. And so nobody has the right to know what is going on for you and your body and even family members. And so really being able to think about that and this is not even for the holidays. This is just in general. Like, I have some clients who choose not to tell anyone.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:28:24]:
You know, they just don't want that energy coming into them. They don't want people feeling bad. And then other people are like they've been very open and they love having, you know, the support of other people, and it's been like a healing experience. And I think that there's not a right way to do this. But as you're going into the holidays, I would look at the way that you've handled it up till this point. And if it's working for you, you know, then continuing that those decisions and and then setting up boundaries around that could be really helpful for you. And I think the other thing is to note is most most people want to be helpful, but a lot of times, it's not. So this is one thing, actually, that comes up quite often is if you're, you know, open about it, and there's gonna be some family member who's gonna come up and tell you some terrible story about, oh, I know, you know, aunt Jane had a, you know, sister, and she had that type of cancer.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:29:21]:
And she did terrible, and she died. You and people say these things that you're just like, wow. Like, that's just, like, not helpful. And that's the kinda thing that maybe it's helpful not to talk to talk less about it in, like, you know, a setting where there are people that you you don't you're not necessarily close with. But when people tell you that kind of story, it's okay to say, like, that's just not helpful for me. And I don't I don't wanna talk about other people who've had this diagnosis because it's just not helpful for me. Or they're saying, I you need to go research this person and do this and blah blah blah and all this stuff. And and sometimes it could be helpful.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:30:03]:
Right? But everyone's got an opinion about everything. And and to be honest, there's, like, a 1,000 different opinions, like, even within the cancer space. So for sure, your family members are gonna have diverse points of view. But I think it's okay to say to someone, like, if they're giving you and you just don't want the information, it's okay to say, you know, thank you so much. Right now, I have, like, actually so much that I'm already, you know, looking through and digesting that it's just better for me not to get additional information. It feels more overwhelming than helpful at this time. And that, I think, is just easy language that can help them understand. It's like it's and it is.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:30:44]:
It's overwhelming. And it, honestly, I have this because every day, I have new people coming to me about some supplement that they make or some new treatment or some water device or I mean, literally. And I I have to, like, set a limit because I'm, like, I can't research everything. And so I'm nice, but I say, you know, thank you so much for that information. When I have time, I'll look into it. You know, right now, I'm I'm focused on my own programs or that kinda thing. And so you can say that to someone, like, oh, thank you so much. Like, when if I'm interested, I'll reach back out.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:31:20]:
You know, I'll let you know. And that's just like a nice way of saying to them, like, hey, you know, for right now, I don't I don't need that information. You know?

Jess Bubbico [00:31:30]:
Yeah.

Jess Bubbico [00:31:30]:
I love the it's kind of like the polarity anywhere from, oh my gosh. You have this thing. I learned all about this wet healthy way of eating, this healthy supplement. Have you thought about it? Have you tried all the way to a terrible story? It's like really truly just being able to set the limit on your own digestion of information. And I love to I feel like you kind of set this up from all the like, this idea that everything is a spectrum. So all the way from no one in the family knows what's going on except maybe my one safe person, and they're gonna be on the lookout to help me throughout the night. Maybe I scratched my nose when they're sitting on the couch to be like, come over and rescue me from uncle John, all the way to sending an email beforehand that says, hey. I wanna let you know these are my boundaries, and this is what I'm gonna be maybe how I'm showing up.

Jess Bubbico [00:32:17]:
And here's here's how you can help me. Right? Like, assuming people have your best interest in mind is, like, here's how you could really support me throughout this day. Like, there's no right answer. Like you said, it's really just kind of figuring out what's gonna be right for you. So

Dr. Katie Deming [00:32:31]:
Yeah. Well and, also, one of the things that I think I want listeners to think about with this is and and I say this all the time, is that healing requires you to change. It requires you to do something different than you were doing before. And many of us are doing people pleasing activities, conforming to other people's expectations of us. And I'd love to have you guys use this holiday season as an opportunity to practice change, to practice doing something different. And it's not about the outcome. It's not about how it goes. It's about you showing yourself that you can do things different and learn something because you're gonna learn regardless of what happens.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:33:22]:
You're gonna learn something if you practice something different. And then you'll see, like, oh, that is how I wanna do it. Or you know what? That's not how I wanna do it. Next time, I would do it different. But until you start practicing doing things differently, you're not gonna change. And this is the way is through practicing little changes, and holidays are a great way. And maybe you choose one of these things. You don't have to do all of them.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:33:46]:
We went through kinda all of the trigger points that come up for people during the holidays. But you could just pick one and decide, okay. I'm gonna do this differently than I've done before. And I love, Jess, how you said that, like, you know, a signal, like, to your one person who's got your back. It's like scratching your nose or pulling on your ear or whatever to, like, come save me. But I think this is like think about this as as fun. This is a new opportunity for you to show up differently and enjoy the holidays. Like, it's it's supposed to be a time of enjoyment.

Dr. Katie Deming [00:34:19]:
I feel like it ends up being kind of this heavy thing. So I want you to make it a fun experiment, and then I would love if you guys share with me if you do it differently and and what happened and how that worked out for you and what you learned. Because it's all about learning. We're all growing and learning all the time. So thank you so much, Jess, for being here with me. And good luck to everyone with planning your holidays. We'll be doing another episode right in the holidays to, like, just, you know, manage through the moment of of things that are coming up. But, yeah, thank you so much.

Jess Bubbico [00:34:52]:
Thank you for joining me on Born to Heal. It's been a privilege to share this time with you, and I hope that today's episode has offered you valuable insights on your journey toward optimal health. Please consider subscribing, sharing this podcast with your friends, and leaving us a review. To learn more about how you can work with me, please visit katydemming.com. You can find additional resources in the episode show notes linked below, and remember to join us next week as we continue to explore more holistic approaches to healing. Until then, this is doctor Katie Deming reminding you that just like me, you were born to heal.